The purpose of Step Nine is to acknowledge the harm caused during active addiction and to make it right with the people involved, as much as possible. Even though they have similarities, living amends are different than making amends. While making amends is apologizing, living amends means living a completely new, sober lifestyle, and being committed to that lifestyle for both yourself and those you’ve harmed in the past. It means that you’re not just using your words to show a change, your actions are proving this change as well. Whenever possible, a direct amend is made face-to-face rather than over the phone or by asking someone else to apologize on your behalf. Making amends requires the individual to correct their mistake.
- We can’t know for certain how another person will respond—or even how the interaction might affect us emotionally.
- Remember that the 9th step is not over when you have gone through your list.
- Understanding the havoc I created and trying to repair the destruction, will be a lifelong endeavor.
- This is part of our ongoing commitment to ensure FHE Health is trusted as a leader in mental health and addiction care.
- And so they wanted to reach new customers and decided to offer a deal on a different website that has a different model.
- We are seeking accountability for our own actions and holding ourselves to the standards of our own values and our 12 Step program.
And so they wanted to reach new customers and decided to offer a deal on a different website that has a different model. And so they offer their coffee pods at 30 percent off on this other website. This is probably what you have in mind when you think of making amends.
Best Sellers Methodology
Remember that the 9th step is not over when you have gone through your list. It involves remembering amends you forgot to make, making new wrongs right (this is what the next step is all about). This step involves a life-long commitment to make yourself a better person. The amends I made to her was admitting my wrongs and shortcomings due to my addiction. My living amends is being the son she deserves–someone who will do for her as she has always done for me.
Sometimes it can be hard to know what to say when preparing to make amends. There may be so many times we feel we let someone down that it can be hard to know where to begin. We want to convey our heartfelt remorse but worry that our words will fall short. Say, for example, you’re preparing to make amends to a former coworker, whom you once stole from to pay for drugs. In addition to apologizing and asking for their forgiveness regarding the incident in question, you might offer to repay them in full for the money you stole. But, as difficult as it is, completing this step can provide an immense sense of relief and newfound hope for the future.
What Is the Best Way to Make Amends?
In Twelve Step recovery, your pace is your own to determine. No doubt you will experience challenges and setbacks along the way. But by prioritizing your recovery on a daily basis and doing whatever that next right thing might be for you, you will keep moving forward in living a life of good purpose. No matter how much we feel the need to make things right, forcing another to meet with us or hear from us is not part of the Steps. When those we’ve hurt are not able or willing to accept our amends, we can still move in a positive general direction by taking intentional steps to be of service to others or making living amends.
Steps 8 and 9 help us to move out of the shame we have lived in, shame that feeds the cycle of substance use and addiction. We strengthen and reinforce healthy recovery whenever we do our part to repair relationships or reach out to others with support and understanding. Direct amends are not always possible or practical, but that doesn’t mean living amends the individual is unable to demonstrate changed behavior. Volunteering for a worthwhile cause or supporting a charity can be a valuable way to make amends. After acknowledging how actions tied to their addictions had a negative impact on people in their lives, those in 12-step recovery programs commit to making direct amends whenever possible.
Family and Children’s Programs
Yet, to be truly successful at forgiving and releasing past wrongs, you need to go directly to the individual you’ve hurt. When you go directly to the https://ecosoberhouse.com/ person, real spiritual transformation is more likely to occur. Step Nine can leave you emotionally exhausted; it’s a difficult step to navigate.
